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03.03.05 - 10:39 pm My mind is in such an incredibly fucked up state. Basically my idea on everything is: I want it, and I want it NOW. I flip out and can't do anything until I get it, and since there's no possible way to get anything I want at the rapid pace that I'm asking for it, I just go insane. I just don't know what to say without breaking down. It is a big issue, it isn't a big issue. It's superficial, it's healthy. I cry really easily and it's so embarrassing. This is about my weight. This is about my issues with food. This is where I can't take it anymore. I just don't know how to keep a balance. I go extreme on both sides. I don't eat and lose 10 pounds, I eat too much and gain 20. I have no ability to moderate. This is such a reflection of my life, too. I get really hardcore into things, and then I stop and it all catches up to me. Some people have addictive personalities; I have an extreme personality. Everything to the limit. Everything to the edge. "The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." --HST I'm going to have to take things slowly. I can't do that though, I can't live for tomorrow, I can't think that it is all going to be okay in a month. No no, I need it now. Give me my quick-fix solutions, my one hour papers, my 100 calorie days. Give me quick hits and hipbones, life in a bullet. And I'm always okay in the morning.
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